Aside from being ridiculously extra sensitive and weepy the entire year, looking back, I realized there are quite a few important things I have learned about myself (and life in general) through it: 1. I am stronger than I think, 2. Life is pretty easy if you allow it to be, and 3. that I am capable. Of sacrifice, of unconditional love, of being sturdy for myself and the people I love, and of being quietly happy.
It seems a bit of a premature coming-of-age story to say this, but I hope I don't turn you off by saying that through the things I learned the past year, I think I am finally beginning to know myself. You know, because purpose is a life-long search, is it not? My perception of the world and of myself has always been clouded by other people's perception of things. It used to make me think that I was a phony. And I used to say (to myself and to my bestfriend, at least) that if Holden Caulfield were my friend, he would irrevocably be ashamed of me. But then again, if I were a phony, I guess we really wouldn't be friends in the first place. I don't know why, but this year, instead of growing out of my shell, I was shrinking and scurrying in it. I was afraid of being noticed and therefore judged because I know these two go together like sword and scabbard. And I don't know why I used to feel guilty all the time even though there was nothing to hide or be ashamed of. I realized, the only person really judging me was myself. Insecurity is a dark and lonely grave we dig only for ourselves.
The good thing is, despite the emotional pitfalls of last year, everytime I look back, all I can remember are the great things. And, by golly, were there a lot.
Like a perfectly timed movie score, hit play before scrolling down
and remembering the best times of our year.
and remembering the best times of our year.
Happy New Year, dear reader.
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