15 January 2013

An Ode to 2012

I know we are already two weeks into 2013, but somehow it feels wrong for me to simply begin another year without first saying goodbye to such an amazing year that was 2012. So yes, even though this is a bit late, here is my obligatory year-ender blog post. It seemed only a few months ago when I was listing plans for 2012. And though I wasn't able to hit all those goals, save for a few  things (mainly trips), I have no complaints. The big twenty-twelve has turned out to be a pretty good year in many, if not all, aspects. And for that I am nothing but thankful.

Aside from being ridiculously extra sensitive and weepy the entire year, looking back, I realized there are quite a few important things I have learned about myself (and life in general) through it: 1. I am stronger than I think, 2. Life is pretty easy if you allow it to be, and 3. that I am capable. Of sacrifice, of unconditional love, of being sturdy for myself and the people I love, and of being quietly happy.

It seems a bit of a premature coming-of-age story to say this, but I hope I don't turn you off by saying that through the things I learned the past year, I think I am finally beginning to know myself. You know, because purpose is a life-long search, is it not? My perception of the world and of myself has always been clouded by other people's perception of things. It used to make me think that I was a phony. And I used to say (to myself and to my bestfriend, at least) that if Holden Caulfield were my friend, he would irrevocably be ashamed of me. But then again, if I were a phony, I guess we really wouldn't be friends in the first place. I don't know why, but this year, instead of growing out of my shell, I was shrinking and scurrying in it. I was afraid of being noticed and therefore judged because I know these two go together like sword and scabbard. And I don't know why I used to feel guilty all the time even though there was nothing to hide or be ashamed of. I realized, the only person really judging me was myself. Insecurity is a dark and lonely grave we dig only for ourselves.

The good thing is, despite the emotional pitfalls of last year, everytime I look back, all I can remember are the great things. And, by golly, were there a lot.

Like a perfectly timed movie score, hit play before scrolling down
and remembering the best times of our year.

Happy New Year, dear reader.

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