12 May 2015

Chapter 25: Onwards and Ever Upwards

Chapter 25: Onwards and Ever Upwards The Stillness in Moving Nicole Villaluz

Play this first.

~ CHAPTER 16 ~

My sister knocked on the bedroom door and told me to sit down.

My Papa had gone.

I was 16. Confused. Lonely. And angry. Very angry. So like any 16 year old, I dealt with my new reality the only way I knew how—I didn’t. I hid it under the rug.

I went from tormented to forgetting. No, no grieving. Just forgetting. Forgetting everything. I collected every little memory of him and buried it in a tight, dark room somewhere in a deep part of me. Kept it locked. Hidden. Never to be heard of, talked of, thought of. Never to be discovered.

I told myself that I had no right to grieve. After two years of suffering, almost completely bedridden, he was finally out of misery. At a better place where, I hoped, pain was just a word that didn’t hold any meaning. No more nights desperately trying to get sleep underneath the yells of him begging for the heavens to finally take him.

I was 16. And I was a deeply sad person.

27 April 2015

Soul, Sonder, and Quiet Beginnings

The Stillness in Moving Soul, Sonder, and Silent Beginnings Nicole Villaluz

"It's like the city has no soul."

This is what a German friend of mine disappointingly wrote to me a few days into staying in Kuala Lumpur. I've always wondered what he meant. Were the city lights not elating enough? Are the people not welcoming? Was there no bustling excitement that, at any given time, a funny fruit would just fall out of nowhere into your unsuspecting open palm? In Manila there's so much life, he tells me. I wondered even more.

The Stillness in Moving Soul, Sonder, and Silent Beginnings Nicole Villaluz

Many months later I found myself in a taxi ride wheeling at 100 kilometers an hour approaching this rumored soulless city. It was night time, and as we drove over a wide elevated part of the expressway, KL welcomed me with a wonderful parade of lights. A vast sea of stars from illuminated buildings stretched ahead of me, towered over by the spectacular sight that is the Petronas Towers. I know I haven't seen much, but at that moment I thought it was one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen. My two friends were asleep; the driver fixated silently on the road. I felt like the only person existing. I took it all in. Or it took all of me.

24 January 2015

To Finally Finding It

Bastille Live in Manila

If it is right, it happens. Nothing good gets away.

If there is one greatest and life-altering thing that traveling has taught me, it is this: No matter how you plan, and no matter how these plans fail, you are always, always at the right place at the right time. The universe unfolds as it should, when it should, and how it should. It’s timing is impeccable. Trust it.

31 December 2014

The Truth About Wild Spirits & Wanderlust

The Truth About Wild Spirits and Wanderlust

We constantly feel out of place. In a world run by lethargic routines, we would often look around, watching people on the streets, in offices, in family gatherings, wondering how the rest of them get by everyday with such a breeze. Because in our heads thrive an unkindness—ravens flocking wildly all day long.

We are home, but we never quite feel at home. Because the road is where our hearts are, and where our hearts are, there is home. We are fishes out of water, holding our breaths until we can finally swim away again. Back into the wilderness where gypsies, nomads, drifters, and wanderers roam. With them will we feel a belonging once more.