09 March 2012

A few things about March

It is only the beginning of the third month of 2012, but already, I feel like so much has happened. Hong Kong, The Pains of Being Pure At Heart and Death Cab for Cutie to top the precious list. Although now, thinking about it, I realized all these happened in a short span of three weeks. Wow. On top of that, two days ago, I received news that made me smile from ear to ear. Self-control and responsibility really does pay off, I learned.

My mind's been pretty occupied with a lot of things--right now I'm still hanging on a balloon string--which I think I actually prefer. Slowing down or stopping altogether leads me back to my "real self" aka the pretty sad one. The road's been a little bumpy in the personal department, so I like what I'm currently surrounded with outside. This has always been the story of my life, I figured. The cycle turns almost constantly, like a habit. My life is as bipolar as I am. Or more of the other way around, actually. I am as bipolar as my life is.

Anyway, I realized that I have got to make some both big and small changes in my life. I want to be able to prove to myself that I can make a difference; the small ones being proof that I can fulfill the big ones as well. Therefore, for March, I will...

1) ...write.
2) ...finish at least 2 books.
3) ...exercise. (two years ago, I was a fit girl who did 30's on the stationary bike everyday. Two years ago. Like history.)
4) ...kick a bad habit.
5) ...take better pictures.
6) ...sleep less. (I realize I waste so many time sleeping. I'm a happy slumber-er.)

I miss writing. The real one. Stories. Fiction. Not ad copies (though this falls under fiction, really. Heh.), not press releases, not consulting. I want the real, painful, satisfying one. In other words, the one I don't get paid for to do. I actually want to learn poetry. I don't, or rather can't read poetry. I remember being in good terms with it in college, but eventually backed out when I realized I couldn't understand what was so beautiful with all the most famous poets' works. I hope it's not too late, though. I was, also, actually accepted in an online magazine a month ago as a contributing writer, though I haven't submitted once. What the hell am I supposed to write about? I ask myself everyday.

I recently got a DSLR, and though I've been comfortable handling my uncle's Nikon D90, having my own, a Canon 1000D, is way different. I have a lot to learn. I've been studying other people's photos, and I realized, totally oblivious to the fact, that I'm most attracted to film photographs--which obviously is a big problem, because "DSLRs cannot create grains, only noise." But those nostalgic grains that can only be achieved in film is too beautiful, my heart aches for it. The photo I used above was taken in Hong Kong while I was in a bus from the airport going to our hotel. I was alone, for the first time, in a strange place, so in many ways this photo is really special. It's originally blurry because of the movement of the bus and the ridiculous fog outside, but with a little touch-up, I kinda like how it turned out.

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