29 December 2009

I blow you a kiss for luck

I keep on saying that 2009 was a crappy year. But looking back, I realize that it might have been the biggest lie I have ever told. 2009 was anything but crappy. I've had one of the busiest first three months--all those productions-- a news program, a short film, leading in a play, and that wasn't even the thing--it was the experience--the shoots, the rehearsals, the celebrations, and above all, the great people that made it all so extraordinarily unforgettable....What the hell was I complaining about?

I have had the best summer ever. Sitting on the warm sand, eating ice cream--the sound of the waves crashing, chilly air blowing - lingering in our ears. Small chuckles from your best friends, while watching the glorious sunset--you know, it just doesn't get any better than this. Not to mention two childhood friends coming home--reminiscing good times in high school and savoring every single day as if it were our last. And even if they left; Shoji, who might have just changed the would-be conventional course of my year and Anna, with whom we've experienced unforgettable mishaps and potential fiascoes with--all the imperfections are what made those times, just plain perfect.

It was a stressful year at school. Being a Senior, a graduating student (oh, how I love saying that) we knew our last year as a student won't come easy. Inevitable, but definitely bearable. So again, what the hell was I complaining about?

This year, I found out who my real friends were. Surprisingly, I found them in the most unexpected people. And how I love them. I wouldn't have wanted it any other way. You know you've found real friends when you have no idea how you started hanging out with each other, or when you know you have nothing in common except the fact that you're classmates, and yet you feel no restrain in telling them who you really are. The great part is this: by finding out who I'm capable of being friends with, I found out who I am. And I'm so relieved to find out I'm not so bad after all.

So what the hell was I complaining about?

Well, now it's time I told the truth. This year, I got my heart broken. I got my heart broken by someone I didn't even know had the capability to. Someone whom I thought would always stand by me, never hurt me, or disappoint me. I got my heart broken by someone I didn't even know had my heart. And so throughout half the year, I carried a burden I told nobody about. I would walk across a city with a swarm of people, but in my eyes there was only me, the empty street, and this punctured heart of mine. Somewhere my chest felt heavy, yet I was so numb, I was afloat. Ironic. The world fell, frustrated by a love affair I thought was coming.

I was damaged, and finding what seemed impossible ways to fix myself. --that's what I was complaining about.

Strange isn't it? How one occurrence could change the perception of a whole thing. Or in this case, a whole year. One incident. One day. Yet I might as well have blamed the remaining 364 innocent and mostly great, days.

And now that I am very much well, though admittedly not that whole yet, I extend my apologies, dear 2009, for spreading word that you are crappy. And that I wish 2010 would kick your sissy butt. (Hahaha) Though in the back of my mind, oh how I still, REALLY wish so.

Three months left for redemption. Oh 2010, you are my last, crucial shot.

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