04 December 2011

What you think when you think on the road

Hello. I am currently on my way home from an awesome weekend in Subic. It's raining pretty hard, and it's still a long way back to Manila. But more about the trip later. Right now, we're listening to Adele, and somehow, instead of falling asleep to her lovely vocals, my mind starts rambling away like it's on sugar high.

Lately, I feel like life's been moving fast. Too fast, even. With this new job, new friends, trips here and there and countless plans (and travels) waiting on ahead. And I've said this before--sometimes, I'm not sure whether to be glad about time moving fast; after all, we just want to be where we're supposed to be, right? On the other hand, I worry that because everything's moving too fast, one day I'll just find myself in the future, weary and wondering if I did everything I should have, the way they should have been done, or if I did anything at all. So now I'm thinking, maybe they're right--those wise people who say that the journey is the prize. After all, didn't we meet our now-bestest friends in what in the beginning was just a chance encounter? Life's too short, but we need not hurry; instead, we should strive to make every day of our life worth while. I try to live by this now, to jump at every opportunity, to take what I can if I can. And not to say never to look back, but to one day look back with a smile on my face and a wonderful memory.

I'm really not sure where I'm going with this (nor in life), but I just know that I have a whole lot of passion in me that the world doesn't seem to understand. Or it's aware at least, but haven't been too rewarding. Don't get me wrong, though. I live a blessed life, and God knows I cannot be more thankful. But there's more than just realities, you know? At the end of the day, when you're well tucked in under your comfortable sheets, you can almost hear your insides screaming under the weight of all the lives you're not living. That's how it feels for me anyway.

Needless to say, I have been feeling very lonely again lately. Though I promised never to speak of it again, here I am writing about it anyway. I fear that talking about it would only make it worse. The last time I nursed loneliness, it grew into a depression which was the most horrible feeling in the world.

Random: Reminds me, it's my father's birthday tomorrow. Hi Papa, happy birthday. I'm sure they're throwing you a feast in heaven. Eat a lot! I miss you every day.

Ah, the things you get from a sad song.

1 comment:

  1. Happy birthday, tito! I didn't even know.

    Who's this person who knows your sad? Definitely not me. hmp/ haha! Don't be. Sad, I mean.

    Or you know what - be sad. Wallow in the feeling. it's better than feeling nothing. It's better than being neither sad nor happy, that's for sure. :)